Austin’s Anti-Woke University will be the whitest college ever

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Image of article titled Hogwarts for Wypipo: Acclaimed Caucasian Race Theorists Set To Open Whiteest College Ever

Drawing: Shutterstock / GO Media (Shutterstock)

Did your “economic anxiety” prevent you from continuing your education? Did your first choice admissions office reject your application because of affirmative action (and your grades and SAT scores … but most importantly, affirmative action)? Are you tired of educational institutions that handicap their students by centering the learning environment around evidence-based education? Does your university refuse to allow white supremacist speakers on the campus diet just because the people who pay tuition and taxes don’t want their money used to support white supremacy? ?

Well, now there is a school for you!

A group of anti-revival university activists have united to create the University of Austin, a private non-profit institution dedicated to students who are too busy being attacked by the waking crowd to learn things because the privilege and whiteness have already armed them with everything they need. to know. Instead of information, the university will focus on Caucasian concepts euphemized by buzzwords like “free thought” and “Western civilization”.

Although people who read books know that “western civilization” is just something whites invented because they had no idea that democracy, philosophy, monotheism and the pursuit of knowledge existed. long before white people stop believing the whole world consisted of the European continent (which is not really a continent but we call it a continent because, at the time, Europeans couldn’t look at a map of the world and google: “Why is Europe a continent? “). But you won’t learn that in this school because at the Institute for White Studies,” free thought “is just another way of saying,” Why do I just believe the facts? ” because they are true? “

The Statesman reports:

The University of Austin, also known by its abbreviation UATX, does not offer any degrees and does not plan to offer an undergraduate program until at least 2024. The school is still in the process of securing land in the area. Austin area for a physical campus, and it seeks millions of donations for scholarships and to help establish its programs.

The school said it could offer other programs in partnership with an accredited institution until accredited.

The planned university is a throwback to tradition in many ways. Contrary to the trend among new universities, it will be based on a physical campus in the Austin, Texas area, and classes will be taught in person, according to its founding documents.

According to New York Times, the school has no accreditation, but will open next summer with ‘Forbidden Courses’ – courses that don’t offer college credit but will provide a’ lively discussion of the most provocative issues that often lead censorship or self-censorship in many universities. “He hopes to achieve accreditation in the next few years and …

Wait, so the school has no land, no students, is not accredited and will not give degrees or even college credits? So why do we call eis a University and why is the media reporting this as if it was a real thing? And I don’t want to be that guy, but someone has to speak out against this cultural appropriation. Dr Umar has been doing this for seven years with the Frederick Douglass / Marcus Garvey Institute for Opening Third Eyes and now the Whites want to melt and steal his glory.

An advertisement for the school that will undoubtedly get run over during the Boyce watkins School of FinesseThe Homecoming game featured a list of names that included everyone from the Hoover Institution, a right-wing think tank, as well as … Wait. Before you begin, you should know that every word you are about to read is true.

  • Niall ferguson: A historian who defends “counterfactual history” (that’s one thing) and who is content to invent “false and dangerous apologies”, according to a true historian.
  • Joe Lonsdale: The pro-drummer father advocate who hates government handouts but used CIA start money to found Palantir, a data mining company whose software tracks Black activists and immigrants.
  • Andrew Sullivan: Free speech advocate whose main beef with Nikole Hannah-Jones’ award-winning Pulitzer project is that he doesn’t have enough penis size literature.
  • Bari Weiss: The whitest woman of all time, who quit his job as a writer for the world’s most respected media outlet to warn people that “banishment and rejection awaits them if you try to deviate, even in a minor way, from the sacred ideology of the world. ‘awakening”.
  • Kathleen stock: Who was walking around minding her own business when she suddenly labeled as an anti-transgender activist simply because she openly campaigned against trans-inclusive laws.
  • Pierre Boghossian: One of the founders of “grievance studies”Hoax that started on Critical Race Theory Hoax before it goes murdered live on television by Marc Lamont Hill.
  • Glen Loury: A black economist who is like Thomas Sowell but not as loved because Sowell is silent and Loury resorts to straw man argument about “equality of outcome” to denigrate black progressive philosophy, even though he probably understands that “equal opportunity” is what people want.

Although this HBCU (Historically Bullshit Caucasian University) only exists in the minds of white people, it must be real because the New York Times reported on it! And if we’re going to treat white people’s imaginations as if they were real things, I also found a selection of ten courses that could possibly potentially be offered at the University of Austin:

  1. Political pseudoscience 112: This first year course will teach students how to suppress black voters, why vote totals don’t matter, and why Jesus wants them to vote Republican.
  2. Wypiponomie 210: Students learn why welfare and government grants will bankrupt America, but tax loopholes, farm grants, and zero-interest loans end up “creeping in.”
  3. Religions 400: Covers the four main white religious deities: Jesus Christ (the white one), the Founding Fathers, Ronald Reagan and Donald Trump.
  4. White story 101: This course teaches why the Constitution was not about white supremacy simply because it made white people supreme. Students will also learn about how the brave southerners won the war for state rights and how the Democratic Party was responsible for slavery even though it didn’t start until 1828.
  5. Karenology 320: Mainly to talk to managers.
  6. Critical racist theory 600: This graduate course will explain why white people don’t need to learn more about slavery, Jim Crow or racism, but still love Confederate flags, the “greater generation” and “American values” .
  7. Cultural philosophy 103: This course covers theoretical cultures such as cancellation culture, washcloths, having a “black friend” and seasoning food.
  8. Western Civilization 210: The importance of Western culture is explained by their discoveries in science, mathematics, philosophy, medicine and language which they developed centuries after Asia, Africa and other advanced cultures.
  9. Mythology 305: Investigating the origins of unconfirmed popular myths including white privilege, racism, and the belief that legs should be washed.
  10. Black History 101: Obviously it is an elective.

The Fighting Yakubians will play in the Continental Sports Conference for American Sports and Knowledge (CRACKAS) region. Aaron Rodgers has already promised his eldest son will start as quarterback in 2040 (as long as Joe Rogan says it’s okay).

To reverse “the unbalanced higher education priorities of creating a bureaucracy,” The statesman reports that UATX only needs $ 250 million.

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